Yesterday was Day 100 of the internship. That's 100 solid days of instruction...doesn't include vacation, PD days, or snow days. Pretty awesome.
I learned something new today: Letting a student joke around about AK47s while there is a substitute co-teacher in the room will lead to three administrators showing up to your classroom in the middle of fourth hour. I wouldn't suggest trying it.
I have also figured out what my biggest unexpected challenge is: dealing with absences. When I was in school (I am so old) I missed maybe one or two days PER YEAR. I have students missing one or two days per month or even week. While I may tell them that it is their responsibility to get missed assignments and notes, it is almost always extra work for me to make sure they are properly caught up, not to mention the annoyance of grading old assignments and making the gradebook look pretty. SO ANNOYING.
Mid-winter break is next week. Get excited.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
all in a day's work...
High Schoolers are such filthy animals. I mean, humans are naturally not the prettiest of creatures, but this specific cohort of the breed really excels in all that is vile.
I must have missed a memo on Friday about it being National Be As Inappropriate As Freaking Possible Day, but HOLY POOP ON A STICK was it ridiculous. The hallways have become a communal mating ground, with wild beasts rubbing all on each other, hoping to be shielded by the swarms of students walking by. "if we stand here along the wall next to the door and only look at each other, no one will notice us...we'll just fade into the chaos of the 7 minute passing time...". Guess what? I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE MAKING OUT AND HOLDING ON TO THE BRICK WALL FOR SUPPORT. This is SCHOOL for pete's sake, not a freaking massage parlor thinly veiled as a truck stop. I think I'm going to start walking around school yelling "HAND CHECK" and making sure students actually come up for air at regular intervals.
Case in point: I brilliantly decided that helping out with the track team would be a good idea. So I'm in te fitness room after school on Friday, doing some strength drills with the few kids who are stupid enough to attend preseason workouts. Two students, one of whom is usually working out with us, are over on the other side of the room sitting on one of the weight machines. With several machines and pieces of equipment in between them and myself, it took me a while to realize that it wasn't two students sitting on the weight machine...more like one student (female) sitting on the bench (of some leg lift thingie) and her male attachment laying on top of her. I could only see backs of heads, but they were swaying in ways that isn't conducive to productive leg muscle building. WTF. STOP RUBBING YOUR TEENAGE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES ALL OVER THE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WATCH THE PREAMBLE TO A NEW SEASON OF TEAM MOM. Luckily, a seemingly intimidating male teacher walked in shortly after my jaw hit the floor mat in shock, so he was able to do the proper yelling at the lovely couple.
On a second but related note, I also had the pleasure of discussing with a small clan of freshmen boys how absolutely repulsive, crude, and utterly ignorant it is to say that you "would totally fuck Ms. X" while walking though the hallways during lunch, especially when in close proximity to a certain student teacher. Lucky for them, I was nose-deep in my planning book as the comment was uttered and unable to detect which one of them let their foul mouth get the best of him, but I hopefully made it very clear that I would personally push for suspension of the entire group if anything like that was spoken out loud at school again. Save it for your COD party in Jimmy's basement this weekend.
I must have missed a memo on Friday about it being National Be As Inappropriate As Freaking Possible Day, but HOLY POOP ON A STICK was it ridiculous. The hallways have become a communal mating ground, with wild beasts rubbing all on each other, hoping to be shielded by the swarms of students walking by. "if we stand here along the wall next to the door and only look at each other, no one will notice us...we'll just fade into the chaos of the 7 minute passing time...". Guess what? I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE MAKING OUT AND HOLDING ON TO THE BRICK WALL FOR SUPPORT. This is SCHOOL for pete's sake, not a freaking massage parlor thinly veiled as a truck stop. I think I'm going to start walking around school yelling "HAND CHECK" and making sure students actually come up for air at regular intervals.
Case in point: I brilliantly decided that helping out with the track team would be a good idea. So I'm in te fitness room after school on Friday, doing some strength drills with the few kids who are stupid enough to attend preseason workouts. Two students, one of whom is usually working out with us, are over on the other side of the room sitting on one of the weight machines. With several machines and pieces of equipment in between them and myself, it took me a while to realize that it wasn't two students sitting on the weight machine...more like one student (female) sitting on the bench (of some leg lift thingie) and her male attachment laying on top of her. I could only see backs of heads, but they were swaying in ways that isn't conducive to productive leg muscle building. WTF. STOP RUBBING YOUR TEENAGE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES ALL OVER THE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WATCH THE PREAMBLE TO A NEW SEASON OF TEAM MOM. Luckily, a seemingly intimidating male teacher walked in shortly after my jaw hit the floor mat in shock, so he was able to do the proper yelling at the lovely couple.
On a second but related note, I also had the pleasure of discussing with a small clan of freshmen boys how absolutely repulsive, crude, and utterly ignorant it is to say that you "would totally fuck Ms. X" while walking though the hallways during lunch, especially when in close proximity to a certain student teacher. Lucky for them, I was nose-deep in my planning book as the comment was uttered and unable to detect which one of them let their foul mouth get the best of him, but I hopefully made it very clear that I would personally push for suspension of the entire group if anything like that was spoken out loud at school again. Save it for your COD party in Jimmy's basement this weekend.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
shut your dirty, nasty mouth
Few things bring me more joy than solving a complicated problem. Few things give me more problems then annoying, snotty students.
Excessive use of "retarded"? Yep, you're getting warmed up. Shouting that a classmate was "an IDIOT!" because he picked up the wrong worksheet? Mmmhm, here we go. Slapping the back of your friend's neck while everyone else is working on an assignment because you think it's hilarious? Keep going, brother. Comparing the slap to a girl getting hit in a fight the previous day? Bingo.
"Student X, shut your dirty, nasty mouth."--me
Stares. Stares from classmates, stares from his friends, and a stare especially from him. But luckily, a silent stare.
On a significantly more awesome note, I got a habitual sleeper to stay awake during notes today by moving the podium so that he could sit "criss cross apple sauce" in the middle of the floor. I even had him take notes on my pretty flower clipboard. Totally worked--he got a little attention, stayed awake, and was one less victim I had to stare into note-taking compliance.
Excessive use of "retarded"? Yep, you're getting warmed up. Shouting that a classmate was "an IDIOT!" because he picked up the wrong worksheet? Mmmhm, here we go. Slapping the back of your friend's neck while everyone else is working on an assignment because you think it's hilarious? Keep going, brother. Comparing the slap to a girl getting hit in a fight the previous day? Bingo.
"Student X, shut your dirty, nasty mouth."--me
Stares. Stares from classmates, stares from his friends, and a stare especially from him. But luckily, a silent stare.
On a significantly more awesome note, I got a habitual sleeper to stay awake during notes today by moving the podium so that he could sit "criss cross apple sauce" in the middle of the floor. I even had him take notes on my pretty flower clipboard. Totally worked--he got a little attention, stayed awake, and was one less victim I had to stare into note-taking compliance.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
spotted: high school dudes on the prowl
had two separate moments today to remind me that I'm an old lady:
1. walked into one of my classrooms after lunch to find two boys standing close to my desk. Upon further review, they were hunched over my things, looking closely to see if they could spot my cell phone. The ultimate goal? To pull my number off of it. Same boys that already asked me for my number once so they could "hit me up to play some pond hockey". Someone should let them know that attempting to snag phones out of purses isn't the hottest way to pick up chicks.
2. sat at my desk while students were working on an assignment. The group of macho dudes sitting in front of me, after much grunting and hardy laughter about a supposed fart noise, started speaking in tongues--something that sounded like "map-pack" and "cod" and "SNIPE". I raised my head and attempted to casually ask one of them what those words meant.
Response?
"C'mon...who are you? Do you know ANYTHING?"
...guess not.
1. walked into one of my classrooms after lunch to find two boys standing close to my desk. Upon further review, they were hunched over my things, looking closely to see if they could spot my cell phone. The ultimate goal? To pull my number off of it. Same boys that already asked me for my number once so they could "hit me up to play some pond hockey". Someone should let them know that attempting to snag phones out of purses isn't the hottest way to pick up chicks.
2. sat at my desk while students were working on an assignment. The group of macho dudes sitting in front of me, after much grunting and hardy laughter about a supposed fart noise, started speaking in tongues--something that sounded like "map-pack" and "cod" and "SNIPE". I raised my head and attempted to casually ask one of them what those words meant.
Response?
"C'mon...who are you? Do you know ANYTHING?"
...guess not.
Monday, February 7, 2011
the person and the persona
Flipped open my TIME magazine today to a quick snapshot about Michelle Obama (in all of her fabulousness). Her ability to always look amazing while also sounding impressively intelligent was deemed a mastery of "the person and the persona: the private self and the projected public image". It seems that she would be the ultimate teacher; our performance is a daily six-act play that never seems to meet the high standards of our critics. If only we could all look so damn good while spitting our mad pedagogic game.
On the bright side (terrible pun intended), when I left the building at 5:55p.m. today, it was still light out. Celebrate the small victories.
On the bright side (terrible pun intended), when I left the building at 5:55p.m. today, it was still light out. Celebrate the small victories.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
there is no winning
A education research article that I recently had to read for a grad class defined one of the categories of moves to improve student attitude as "winning", meaning a teacher would some how act in a way that makes students feel like they win. Guess what kids, YOU ALWAYS LOSE.
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