This past week was full of the absolutely unexpected.
I was asked by a student if she could come running with me after school. As I have been coaching both cross country and track this year, I did not find this unusual. I did not really know what to expect...I knew this girl was an athlete (wrestler) and that she was thinking of trying out for soccer in the spring. So, we decided that Wednesday would be the day that we would run together.
She stopped me after class on Tuesday, clearly wanting guidance on something. Pulling me aside, she looked very worried about something. "Should I even go out for soccer?" she asked hesitantly, watching my face for any immediate reaction. Of course, I wanted to be supportive, but I wasn't too sure why she was asking me. This was the girl who had only weeks ago explained how badly she wanted to play club soccer at Michigan State, how it was her favorite sport, and how good she feels when she's playing it.
I tried to slowly pick at the issue, and fearing that it was socially based, I slowly explained that many of the "soccer girls" played on club teams together throughout the season and that they may be quite clique-y. She laughed out loud and shook her head, saying that "it wasn't that...I get along with everyone just fine." It turns out that her major problem--the issue holding her enthusiasm back--was every high school girl's biggest nightmare: her weight.
See, during the winter season, this female student wrestled "heavy weight", meaning she was regularly paired up against boys at least 216lbs. I have no idea what her record was, but her stories of struggle tell me it wasn't exactly statistically successful. Soccer, on the other hand, was full of skinny, tan girls who could run for miles (while complaining at least 93% of the time). The soccer girls, my student feared, would not accept her "because of her weight".
I was disgusted...I know teenagers are judgmental, but I would never have expected a concern like this from such a nice girl.
Needless to say, she was still invited to run with me after school. The problem was that she couldn't run more than 20 yard without needing to stop. I did my very best to motivate, coach, and listen...she had a lot of concerns to share and questions to ask. When we got back to school, I waited with her for her mom to arrive. When the car pulled up, she gave me a big hug and thanked me for helping. I'm still not sure how helpful I was, but I was glad she felt that way.
On the other side of things, I had to face the sudden death of my Nana this week. She was taken to the hospital on Monday, had surgery that day, began to recover throughout the week, and then the doctors discovered some serious circulation problems in her legs on Thursday. As her kidneys began to fail and her other organs became weak, the final choice revealed itself: double leg amputation and long, painful, risky therapy, or peaceful death.
In school on Friday, I was clearly not myself. I thought I was doing a decent job of hiding it, even doing my best to share the sad news with the few boys in my second hour to were nice enough to ask about Nana's status. My fourth hour, however, seemed to know me too well to be fooled by such a facade. A few boys kept asking "what's wrong? you seem sad. are you okay? we're worried". I was in no shape to discuss things, so I did my best to ignore it, but I can't stop being thankful for their concern.
Our students may be our biggest critics, but they are also my biggest supporters. They can read my mood merely by watching me take attendance, and take notice when things are "off", and not only for their own benefit. It's like having 120 therapists always ready to listen...but I'm not sure I'm exactly willing to share.
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